Saturday, September 09, 2006

My Conspiracy Theory - Notascaredcat 2

I told you about my humans last night, today I will tell you about the others that live with me.

Flash: After several years of being the only feline in the house my humans believe they had a great idea to get another cat.... they did not consult me on this issue, if they had done so I would not have allowed it to happen but in a way I am glad they did. The first time I met Flash I was 6 human years and he was 8 weeks. My woman brought this crazy little animal into the room and insisted I sniff him. We had tried this before with another kitten and after I would have nothing to do with the kitten my human took the kitten away, I would try this again. Flash thought I was the enemy and started jumping up and down, his back all arched and his little teeth showing. I laugh in the face of a kitten. I am alpha male, I am number one and all must worship me. Flash soon realized that I was the boss and he submitted to me, or did he. After many years, we have grown quiet fond of each other, we have a respect and don't get in one anothers business. Flash has a metabolism problem, he is 'big boned' and I've heard my woman say he is 27 lbs. My friend isn't as fast as he once was but we are brothers of the soul . He is the best 'hunter' in the house and he protects us from all things that fly and crawl, he is my number one security force. I laugh in the face of any creature that tries to pass Flash.....

Nosey: The maniac, this little twit came along about 5 years ago. Flash and I were in complete disgust the first time this bundle of fur showed up. My human wouldn't put him down and held him in her lap, my plan of attack would be slow but thorough. We all soon found out that this little bundle of fur was very sick and it looked as if he wouldn't be any type of issue for us, his pesky little germs invaded Flash and myself and soon we were all sick. My woman is like an angel, she held us all and gave us horrible pills that I was convinced some type of military tracking device but we did start feeling better. Flash never forgave the new kitten for the illness and to this day Flash and Nosey still have a disdain for eachother. We have found Nosey is a great decoy and we send him in whenever someone comes into the house to check out the situation. Nosey has a personality of a small child and it is hard to resist his charm, Flash is the only one that can resist him.

Skit: The man brought home a bird about 3 1/2 years ago. Birds don't sleep as much as cats do and believe the noise they are making is pleasing to the ears no matter the time of day or night. My woman tried locking us cats away so she could spend time with the bird. I am disgusted by her unfaithfulness and I will trick her into thinking the bird doesn't bother me. Lucky for the bird that he lives behind bars. I don't know what he did to earn life behind bars but it is his only saving grace, as I laugh in the face of a bird. I dream about how he would taste, this is one of my favorite dreams.

LeStat: Isn't that the name of a vampire? This is another bird that the man brought home. He is trying to make my human love him more then me, he is mistaken as this new birds hates my woman. I laugh in the face of the bird not liking my woman. He bites her ruthlessly and for this he will be the first one I eat once I break into his prison cell. No one is allowed to hurt my woman, I plan his demise daily and it will be a wonderful day when he is gone. His singing annoys me but it keeps my mind fresh as to my hatred of him.

These are the other animals that live with me. I have ridded us of 3 dogs and 2 other cats and one rabbit... I liked the fish... they made me laugh.

Alpha Male = Cassanova
Security Force = Flash
Decoy = Nosey

I must nap now, I am exhausted, I've been up for about an hour and must rest my eyes.


1 comment:

Christina said...

Sounds like quite the family. You sure do have that woman wrapped around your little paw too!